WTF is The Wild In-Between?
Mastering the Wild: From Survival to Surrender
In This Issue:
1. How a Sky Ladder Explained Life to Me
2. WTF The Wild In-Between even is
3. How to know if you’re in it
4. The important spectrums to master in The Wild to make transitions easier and more fruitful
4.5. Adorable photos of my dog
5. Journal prompts
6. TL;DR
1. There was a particular moment under a blanket of wintery stars, 8 years ago, when I realized the importance of the Wild In-Between. I can still feel the chill on the tip of my nose while my breath attempts to heat the vast artic air around me.
I was 25 years old. The divorce was finalized. The largest heartbreak of my life [up ‘til that point] had torn a deep valley through the landscape of my identity. I had spent the last year in grief, confusion, anger, bargaining, and chasing other men’s attention.
That year was brutal. There’s no other word for it.
In the riptide of life, there are phases where it feels like clarity and comfort are never going to land in your ribcage again — yet the possibility always exists; and for me, it appeared in the middle of a snowy Canadian night, under the milky way with my dog rolling in a nearby snow bank.
I was gazing at the stars when I received an image—some may call it a vision but it was this moving picture of a very large ladder extending all the way to the stars. I saw all the elements of my life on one level or another. My past was on lower rungs, the higher rungs were misty obscuring them from view. My body was struggling between two levels as I tried to hoist myself up to the next rung and within the straining, I had one hand down trying to drag my ex up along with me. As I watched the moving pieces, the Me eventually let go of my ex’s hand and he landed safely on the current rung. The release of weight then bounced me up to the next level.
(Image thanks to AI, I’ll be hiring an artist soon to do a rendition of the true image that I received that night)
This is when I realized that not everything in your life gets to come with you as you level up (or remain in your life if you level down for that matter). This is when the equation of endings = growth [if you allow it to…] became clear to me.
Knowing this, the decision then rests solely with each of us as to whether or not the price is worth the upgrade.
2. So what is The Wild In-Between exactly then? It’s where we say yes or no to that question.
Simply put, The Wild In-Between is the struggle between those rungs - it’s the tangled trials between transformative triumphs. It’s the time when our mettle is tested and forged anew. It’s where every fragment of our being must be gazed upon by the judge and jury of our soul: is it better for x to stay rooted in our past or should it rise and evolve with us on our journey towards the stars?
One of the places where we suffer the most is the refusal to be at peace with the things, places, and people that can’t come along with us as we move up. That, and the overall rejection that this phase is part of our divine plan/destiny/fate/design/path/whatever you want to call it. Trusting the process/the divine/God/the nature of life is one of that gnarliest things humans are asked to do. Regardless of what religion or spiritual beliefs you abide by, other than atheism, everything asks you to trust. In the new age community it’s to trust your guides and your higher self. In the main religions it’s to trust God/Jesus/Yehwah/Allah. In Buddhism it’s to trust in the nature of impermanence and the process of letting go.
So much of life is outside of our control and understanding. But what is planted firmly between our hands is the ability to harness the power of the in-betweens, the voids, the unknowns, the chapters full of mystery.
Note that I use these interchangeably: The Wild In-Between, The In-Between, The Void, a Mysterious Chapter, The Wild and so on.3. These phases of life can be hard to recognize. We don’t talk about them enough. Some more traumatizing transitions into the void can be rather clear like a death or divorce, but many happen over time… and as time wears you down, you start beating yourself up for being unmotivated, lost, unsure, unclear.
Here are a couple quick questions to ask yourself to identify if you’re in the void or if it’s something else like depression:
Thought Patterns
Am I looping the same self-critical and negative thoughts? (I’m worthless, I’ll never change, etc) with no new perspective?
Am I questioning things I haven’t questioned in a long time (or ever)? Who I am, what I value, who I trust, what I desire?
Future Glimpse
When I imagine the future, does it feel blank, hopeless, or impossible?
Even in the deep ache and even overwhelm of not knowing if it will ever feel better… can I sense that something new is trying to take shape?
Identity
Do I feel erased, like I have no self at all?
Do I feel suspended? Not who I was but not yet who I’m becoming?
Agency
Do I feel powerless, like no choice I make matters?
Do I sense small choices matter? Even if I don’t know the full picture yet?
Spiritual
Does this silence and unknown feel like abandonment?
Does this silence and unknown feel painful but also strangely full of possibility, like something (God, intuition, truth) might speak if I wait?
Energy
Do I feel drained in every area? Like even brushing my teeth is too much?
Do I have bursts of energy or clarity occasionally? Followed by bouts of exhaustion and grief, depending on the emotional waves?
If you’re mostly As, it could be depression, anxiety or another mental health struggle (or a response to a fresh trauma).
If you’re mostly Bs, it’s possible that you’re in The Wild In-Between and a few steps past the initial catalyst for this chapter of your life.
(Note: in the immediate tsunami wave that hits after a trauma, the above As and Bs can mix in any way. Don’t apply this in the immediate wake of the heartbreak. Give yourself a bit of time just to be a heartbroken human first, otherwise you may be trying to intellectualize something that simply needs to be felt first. When I left my last relationship, my first month and a half was mostly As and eventually it morphed into being in the void.)
Now that we are clear on What the Wild In-Between is and if you may be in one, let’s example some of the trickiest experiences and emotions of being in a void. If you can tip yourself towards the healthier side of each of these spectrums, your time in The Wild will be easier on your heart and more fruitful in its harvest.
4.The Spectrums within The Wild In-Between:
1. Letting Go vs. Abandoning Yourself
“Letting go” is releasing what no longer serves. “Abandoning” is silencing the parts still asking to be seen.
🕊 “Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you.”
— Proverbs 4:6
❓Am I releasing this from love or fear?
2. Trusting the Process vs. Bypassing the Pain
Trust invites you to feel fully and allow the entire experience. Bypassing has you trying to skip the messy part by intellectualizing or welding toxic positivity as a shield.
🕊 “Grieving doesn’t make you imperfect. It makes you human.”
— Sarah Dessen
❓Have I given myself full permission to grieve or am I covering it with positivity?
3. Stillness vs. Stagnation
Stillness is active receptivity, quieting your world so that the truth has somewhere to land. Stagnation is paralysis masked as comfort—a holding pattern disguised as safety where fear keeps you from growing.
🕊 “Muddy water is best cleared by leaving it alone.”
— Alan Watts (echoing Taoist thought)
❓Does this pause feel nourishing or numbing?
4. Being in Transition vs. Feeling Lost
Lost means you have no sense of any part of your life. Transition means you’re becoming someone new and there’s an underlying curiosity.
🕊 “Light precedes every transition. Whether at the end of a tunnel, through a crack in the door or the flash of an idea, it is always there, heralding a new beginning.”
— Theresa Tsalaky
❓Is something in me quietly reshaping… even if I can’t name it yet?
5. Listening to Intuition vs. Listening to Fear (often in disguise)
Intuition is calm, grounded, clear. Fear is frantic, loud, urgent.
🕊 “Intuitive thoughts are calm. Intruding thoughts are hectic and fear-inducing. Intuitive thoughts are rational; they make a degree of sense. Intruding thoughts are irrational and stem from aggrandizing a situation or jumping to the worst conclusion.”
— Brianna Wiest
❓Did this message come with peace or panic?
6. Honoring Grief vs. Building an Identity Around It
Grief is a season. Don’t let it become your name.
🕊 “We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.”
— Joseph Campbell
❓*Am I tending to my grief… or wearing it as proof of what I’ve been through?
Read this poem for a poetic slap to the face regarding Grief:
7. Letting Things Unfold vs. Waiting for Permission
Surrender allows life to guide you and keeps you receptive. Waiting for external permission delays your power.
🕊 “The moment you accept what troubles you’ve been given, the door will open.”
— Rumi
❓Am I genuinely surrendering… or afraid to take the next brave step?
8. Being Alone vs. Isolating
Solitude restores. Isolation hides.
🕊 “Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.”
— Luke 5:16
🕊 “Solitude vivifies; isolation kills.”
— Joseph Roux
❓Is this quiet connecting me to my soul or helping me avoid others/expectations/responsibilities?
9. Feeling vs. Spiraling
Feeling is energy in motion — It’s crying, experiencing, laughing, riding the crest and the fall. It’s moving your body with the sensation where relief is waiting on the other side of any intense feeling. Spiraling is looping without release.
🕊 “Don’t be ashamed to weep; ‘tis right to grieve. Tears are only water, and flowers, trees, and fruit cannot grow without water. But there must be sunlight also.”
— Brian Jacques
❓Am I letting the emotion move, or replaying the story behind it to justify myself or keep myself small (an attempt to keep myself safe)?
10. Being Honest vs. Oversharing for Validation
Honesty heals. Oversharing bleeds. Honest expression will help you heal. Oversharing again and again has the potential to create a trauma loop in your mind. What fires together, wires together.
🕊 “Do not cast your pearls before swine.”
— Matthew 7:6
“Speak only if it improves upon the silence.”
— Mahatma Gandhi
❓Am I sharing this to connect or am I repeatedly looking for reassurance and validation?
11. Surrendering vs. Giving up
Surrender is open-handed and gently seeking your next step. Giving up is throwing your hands in the air and pouting*. *(Sometimes a good pouting session is really cathartic. Just don’t stay there.)
🕊 “Surrendering is not the giving up of something. True surrender is the total acceptance of yourself. You’re not ‘losing’ anything in the surrender, the way your society usually means that word. You are not giving up anything in the sense of loss. Surrender means to open up: Open up to your total self; to give in and let go of the things you think you’re supposed to be. Just be who you are. It will see you through.”
— Bashar
❓Is there still a spark in me somewhere?
The invitation is to feel into each of these spectrums and journal about what it brings up. What side do you lean towards for each experience? On good days? On bad? What area may need a little extra tender care from you to push it toward a healthier expression?
4.5As I watched the ladder playing out on the canvas of the brilliant night sky all those years ago, I finally fully let go of my ex. We never talked again. Instead of sorrow, my mouth turned up at the edges, my heart felt light, and I knew I had just leveled up: leveled up in my tenacity, my compassion, my willingness to embrace the suck and to get hurt, and innumerable other skills. When asked the question: “Here’s your next chapter—but to enter you have to release that which no longer aligns. Are you willing to pay the price?”
I said yes.
If this were a fantasy book, I would have jumped into the sky to be one with my [very] artful vision. But alas, I am trapped in this human body of mine so I did the next best thing:
I went and rolled around in the snow with my excitable and young border collie, Rylie. The same one who, with a face full of grey hair, is kicking my legs right now as she dreams about wide open fields. Who knows, maybe she’s also re-experiencing that snowbank that we played in so long ago.
You are always in the driver’s seat. You are always the one who gets to make the call. No one can force you to pay the price of expansion, or the one of contraction. But make no mistake, there’s a price to staying where you are and there’s a price to moving forward.
I have found that the next rung, the next chapter, is always worth the price of moving forward.
Rylie as a wickedly smart young adult
Rylie as my beautiful, cuddly old lady
5. Journal Prompts
What in my current life feels heavy? Like something I’m trying to drag onto the next rung with me and what might change if I released it?
How do I distinguish between the stillness of trust and the stagnation of fear? What can help me stay in the nourishing kind of stillness?
In what ways have endings in my life turned into growth? What past chapter clearly showed me the equation of endings = growth?
When faced with the question, “Here’s your next chapter… are you willing to pay the price to enter?”, what would my honest answer be today? (Accept whatever answer that comes up, do not try to change it. Just allow yourself to write about it)
What is the possible price of staying where I am today? What is the possible price of moving forward? What are the possible outcomes of each? Which is worth the price of admission?
6.TL;DR
What is TWIB? The Wild In-Between is the tangled trials between transformative triumphs where you are tested and forged anew.
Eight years ago, under a sky full of stars, I realized not everything - or everyone - gets to climb with you to the next rung on your ladder of life.
The Wild In-Between is the space between rungs, between what used to be and what has yet to emerge.
It’s where you’re tested, reshaped, and asked what deserves to rise with you on your divine path.
Most suffering comes from gripping what can’t come or demanding clarity before trusting the climb.
The magic lives in the messy middle where true trust and surrender become holy.
Every rung ascended costs something. The question is always: will you pay the price to rise?
Are you in The Wild? Visited before? Drop a hello or a bit of your story below, I’d love to hear about your In-Betweens and mysterious chapters.
Oooooo, I am experiencing this! Especially around energy. Ugh!
yes - I've spent many years in the in-between. My recent article was all about the ups and downs I experienced around sex. I both loved it and hated it and hated myself for loving it. I was such a different person back then, 15 years ago.
Loved reading your thoughts around the topic. Thanks for sharing ♥️